sitting on the sofa by the TV, my cousin and mother are talking next to me, non stop, their voices reach me like i’m in a sound proof room, the words clamping on the glass failing to get through, i look at my cousin and smile from time to time out of curtsy, just to let her know i’m there, the more they talk, the more my thoughts take the lead on my sanity.
“goodbye darling, please come back another time” my mom saying goodbyes by the door to my cousin, ” and stay the weekend yeah! darling”, my cousin just kept nodding her consent, i’m smiling mine, though deep down saying please don’t come back and let me enjoy my weekend! haven’t we all felt this way before.
at ten pm at night, and after the great joy of watching my cousin go home, i sat outside in our back yard, looking at the drear blackest of skies, no stars and no clouds, the sky looked a lot like my soul inside, maybe that’s why i spent the next thirteen minutes looking at it, normally in situations like this you’d need someone to sit by your side, keep you warm and all those fuzzy feelings, i didn’t have any, i was practicing the art of being strong on your own, it wasn’t working that successfully though, i didn’t need to practice it alone anymore, a stray cat that i have been feeding lately sat few feet away from me, she looked at me with unguarded fear, i can see in her eyes that she trusted me enough to sit this close to me, but not enough to sit next to me, though she sees the swirling waves of pain and wonder in me yet something is stopping her from comforting me, i could have really used some of her fuzziness warming my lap, but well that bloody cat never moved, the fact that i’m pleading for safety and comfort from a stray cat, made my soul wage war against my falling pride, feeling the first tear drop makings it’s way through my cheek, i forced the rest of my tears back inside forming a little lake on both of my eyelids, i picked myself up and got inside, gulped a cup of water and smiled at my dad like nothing was ever wrong with the world when all i wanted to do is run to his arms and break into tears.
sometimes you’ll never understand things
sometimes you can’t find strength in yourself
and in that times you’ll find resolution in the strength of others around you.