i want to go back to where i belong, back into my mother’s womb, this world scares me, and has nothing of what i longed for, has nothing of what i envisioned for myself, people say that a baby sees his whole life in flashes while he is still an embryo.
on a Monday afternoon, i lay down in bed on my right, holding my pillow, feeling my head rest sinking, it was a long day with hideous traffic, is this how i felt back when i was still an embryo?, have i seen this before?, circled around myself in encumbrance, floating in my mother’s fluids clasping my tiny body, if that’s true i want to go back, to a place of similarity, a place of healing, of renovation, where you just sit back and wait for all the nutrients to inoculate straight into your blood, you don’t have to survive, you don’t have to face the world, nor talk to people, oh how much i hate connecting to people, though i need to, i hate how i’m biologically engineered to communicate, you see your obligated to form a community, you need it and it needs you, it’s a circle that starts with your birth and never ends till your unfortunately dead.
today i’m watching the sky coloring itself in dark purple, indigo and little of orange here and there, it’s windy with all the swirls and woofs a strong wind makes when is weighed down by sand, you get a sense of the wind fighting for latitude, fighting to stay up, the sand wanting it down, it’s like the fear i had on last Monday afternoon has never happened, one of the blessings and curses of this universe is time, time and place is not static, it moves as you go along, it has two lengths, one of physics and one of mind, time fails to stay on with life changing moments and succeeds on lingering through sadness and failure.
as the trees protrude through the half painted houses before me, so the need for family and friends protrude through your self-will, the sad truth is that no one can accomplish anything on his own, i’v worked so hard to deny that, to prove i can accomplish much all on my own, a lass who’s alone but not lonely, gotten so little but has given so much, unfortunately nor could i deny or disprove it, i started to observe how my oldest brother got what he needed by sweet talk and patience over things that oppose his ways but could benefit him on the long shot, to put it simple it’s pure “manipulation” , i feel so foolish when i watch him practice his ways over my father and mother, and so i decided to learn it and practice his ways when i need it.
little that i knew, manipulation is a profession..
made not for foolishly engineered minds..
made not for observers, but those who practice it best.