Who am i? And the ugly truth

With two simple words, your life may take an unexpected turn and you might get to be someone you never thought you had within, the run of events, from the looks to the casual heys,  to the long Internet talks, to meetings and from that to the longings and admiration.


You think you know who u are and how much you can give!
but it turns out you were misplaced and that’s not who you really are but who your oppressed to be.

I never even thought of knowing what passion is, or what longing for as much with a person is, i never thought i could feel the presence of someone elses but mine, my presence was always too big it shadowed over everyone elses and no one could reflect back any light.

But his presence here and now is making mine even bigger and most  radiant.

I feel empowered by it and i feel the need to empower it back, i need to see it shadow over others with me, more than it ever shadowed over any before.

I never thought i could be happy or sad for someone other than my family, things just don’t interest me enough, nothing is intriguing unless if it was coming from inside my mind, but the the idea of him, not just the idea but himself interests me.

I’d finally get to think of him, to picture him, to finally illustrate the dusk and dawn, and the day and night all in his eyes, i could finally feel what romantic writers get to so lavishly describe.

But i don’t want to describe this in words, it could almost be of a mysteries phenomenon where the heart and mind syncs as one, they are always expressed as having two different paths, the logic and the scrutinized emotional drive, but i can clearly see that they were just waiting for one thing to link through, the heart can’t simply feel without the mind seeing the logic,  and the mind can’t see the logic in anything that the heart can’t feel.

It is we who misunderstood ourselves and it is we who can find the glitch in the system and have the only key to reboot.

When you emerge in something you completely feel and understand is euphoric, but to every euphoria is the downside of being ended and the fear of overdosing.
Fear plagues logic and emotions with overthinking, i won’t state that i don’t have this fear, but the hope i have for this succeeding and not being just a fling is thriving over all fears.

The wanting of him exempts any doubts.

I wrote this some time ago, and i always wanted to finish it but never had the time to, but now giving to the fact that i didn’t care if his mind and heart also synced at the sight of me, as mine does at the sight of him, it didn’t really matter if i overcame fear or not.
Some of our journeys are mapped out for us by the universe, some journeys are not taken on alone.
This wasn’t about me from the very beginning, but about him and his journey to self-completion.

The wanting of him employs all doubts.


Author: malak94abouras

i never asked to love the words, they have loved me and i have then fallen

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